That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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