I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
