If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
