Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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