Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to make out with him forever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
