You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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