Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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