Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did i walk over a car last night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
