Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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