sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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