You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
