just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
