Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
