dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Actions speak louder than pants.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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