Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
