the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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