It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
