Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
