I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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