Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Randomize
