he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
