you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
