I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
