guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
