please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
