Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
