My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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