it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
