i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
