I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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