i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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