took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
