well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
