I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
