I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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