i already hear my dad disowning me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
