so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
