So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
