which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
