If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
