my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
