either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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