using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
