She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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