so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
