The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
