i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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