we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
FUCK WHALES
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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