I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
