I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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