It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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